Another Drawback

Yesterday I had an ultrasound.  It was not very comfortable at all. My left ovary was hiding.  They really had to "dig" to find it. OUCH. I have now be diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  Which basically means that trying to conceive (TTC) will be even more difficult. Its not then end of the world or impossible, but its going to be hard. I have to do a lot diet changes to hopefully help with hormones, ovulation, and ultimately fertility.

I am continuing the Metformin and Progesterone.  After my next period they want to see me back and do another ultra sound to see if my body is able to shed the lining.  If my body does not shed the lining we have to think about doing a D&C to get rid of the lining. When I talked to this doctor about how in 3 months we hope to start being able to actively try, she said she doesn't even want to talk about it. She said her concern is that we stay on top of monitoring me for Cancer. There is that stupid word again.

I've been having a lot of discomfort and cramping since the ultrasound. It stinks. I've been reading lots of information on PCOS and diet to make it more manageable.

I can't help to be feel like I am a failure. I know its nothing that I've done, but I can't help but to feel horrible about it. I feel like a failure as a woman and a failure as a wife. I feel (and this may or may not be what you believe) that as a wife I am supposed to provide my husband with a child to carry on the family name.  I feel like I may not be able to provide that.

I'll admit, I'm mad. I don't understand how I can be dealt another crappy hand of cards. Trying to get past the negativity and have faith that this all happens for a reason and that God has a plan for me. Although right now I have no idea what it is... I have to have faith that it is bigger and better than I can ever imagine.